Day three…yikes!

Morning three…who knew that having a vacation would be so very enlightening?  Rough morning for me.  I struggle with my mind in the night…it keeps playing over and over like a large cinema projector reel while I try to rest.  I often wake up exhausted from my brain activity.  I wake trying to sort out the reality from the dream and believe me, sometimes this is a challenge.  In talking with a friend this morning, she helped me to realize a few things.  She candidly shared her observations of our friendship and I was open to hear her because I trust her.  She helped me to realize why I struggle deeply with vacation time…when I am at work, I am with other adults, they help me (whether they realize it or not) to gauge my OK meter.  I rely on them for feedback and I trust them to alert me if it seems like things are going awry.  You see I don’t always recognize when I have gone hrs for instance without eating…when I might need to take five for a snack.  My coworkers remind me…they look out for me and I trust them wholeheartedly. The stimulation that my mind receives from my job also does not allow for excessive worry. The structure keeps me focused and grounded.  When I am just at home, I find myself with too much downtime…I need busy…
I did try an extra cup of coffee today and that seemed to help.  I took care of several tasks that I have been unable to complete to date.  I don’t really think todays revelations necessarily solved anything though I am starting to feel a bit better figuring out some of the mystery of ‘vacation trauma’.  Tomorrow morning for starters…I will have two cups of coffee…I will try to make some plans with friends…and I will try to enjoy day four of my vacation…