i’m just tired…

“I’m just tired” I said. She didn’t buy it…she asked a few questions…I caved.  There aren’t too many people that know this is a stand-by phrase for me.  Part of my ADHD means I feel things very deeply everyday things…things that others might easily let go.  I hold lots of things…things that are mine and sometimes things that aren’t mine. I hold them until I can figure them out and when they are too big to contain they sometimes spill out…how human of me.  Human or not, I don’t enjoy it. Feeling things so deeply is a blessing that allows me to be both very compassionate as well as passionate.  The social distress that this can cause is something I get to add to that list of things to be figured out.  On a good day…social situations can take a lot of energy for me to maneuver through.  When I am feeling extra human on top of that,  it can become exhausting.  I think that this is where my fallback of ‘I’m just tired’ comes in…because I am!  So exactly whats happening for me?  School will start soon…all of my life for as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do was be a Mom.  I began working with children as soon as I could start working.  I was a volunteer in the pediatrics ward of our local hospital and spent hours reading to and caring for sick children. I began working in a childcare for children with special needs at 17. The story goes on from there and I now am a proud mom of three littles…  I hold an MS degree in Early Childhood Education and Child Development.  I spend my days with amazing preschoolers!

And now for the human side…my youngest just turned five in May.  He will start kindergarten in September.  For 11 years I have had a child with me everyday in my work as a teacher.  Come September, my baby starts school and then it is just me…Mama…or Miss Kimberly.  I am deeply grieving this I have recognized.  I have begun crying out of the blue and after thinking about it I know from what my heart tells me, it is a great loss for me.  I am not too sure how I will figure it out so it is not spilling over so much.  For me, with ADHD, feeling things to the depth that I do, isolates me. It leaves me feeling inadequate and needy and much less human than those around me.  If you are reading this, send some love my way.  Thanks for allowing me to share.  I would love to hear from you about your experiences as a parent…with or without ADHD/ADD and how you got through sending your last born off to school.

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2 thoughts on “i’m just tired…

  1. I feel your pain! And I admire your ability to trace that sorrow down so you can celebrate it. Yes, celebrate your heart of a Mom. It’s a beautiful thing. I had similar grief and am still sad that all my littles are bigs and long gone.

    I kept my youngest home an extra year because the school said he wasn’t ready and they didn’t have an early K for him. And after two years of school, I brought him and his brother home for homeschooling , (there were factors for the older one) and kept him there for 5 years and then PUshed him out of the nest! LOL

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