Above are two photos that I captured while photographing a wedding a couple of weeks ago. The Harbor was peaceful, quiet, almost silent as I stood on the balcony of the restaurant where the reception was held. I think in pictures and have recalled this vision into my mind several times since I first saw it. The Harbor at sunset…so serene that day. I am afraid that what we will be experiencing in New England this weekend will be much more representational of what really happens in my mind on a daily basis. Hurricane Irene is making her way to us.
One of my areas of growth in the past few weeks has been in working to close the gap just a little between what’s really happening in my mind and how others perceive how I am doing ‘on the outside’ …two weeks back had begun like any other week…that is until I ran out of my Ritalin and the pharmacy politely explained that they did not have enough to fill my prescript. It ended up being 10 days no Ritalin and let me tell you…by the 9th day I was a hot mess! Okay, let’s be real…by the 3rd day I was over some kind of edge. I was doing my utmost best to cope and even managed to elicit a few compliments like, ‘you seem like you are doing really well and keeping it together!’. My response? ‘Maybe on the outside…totally NOT in my head! I’m a mess!’ Even on my best days, there is a grand contrast between how I seem to be operating to the general public and the National Guard presence in my brain. If it seems like I am doing fantastic…you can bet it took a hell of a lot of thinking, processing, organizing and frantic running around that luggage carousel to get me there.By the tenth day, I was forgetting my name for real…couldn’t get it together…was getting in the car to go somewhere and quickly forgetting where it was I was even headed. Such a mass chaos of distressed circuitry! I had no sense of time whatsoever. My kinesthetic sense was so off I had a hard time locating myself! I should have used my GPS but I forgot I even owned one…
Needless to say, I am happily on my way back to my very own ‘normal’ (whatever that is) and plan not to take a hiatus from my Ritalin again anytime soon. As you can see, I did not blog at all during that time and pretty much I felt like large areas of my brain had been declared their own state of emergency much like a lot of New England as we speak. If you live in an area where the hurricane is due to visit and happen to catch a glimpse of Irene, think of me…and stay safe!
I don’t think I will be venturing over to snap a photo of the harbor in the middle of Irene though I will be photographing the view from my house. Stay tuned for the view inside my head! (this could be the new ‘this is your brain on drugs’ commercial! I can see it now! ‘This is your brain…this your brain with ADHD!) What a visual!