…surfacing

…it’s morning and I wake…surrounded by my children

I prayed in the night…for protection …comfort…relief from the heaviness

…I forwent the medicine I believe plunged me under…unable to catch my breath

…made a cup of tea instead of making demands of myself

…opened up the windows and invited fresh air to fill my lungs

…recognizing I’m not alone…needing to know it in the depths of my heart

…this is the beginning of trust…of hope…I believe it is a start…

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looking for time…

Waking up early for more time in the day… More time to do more…

Rushing to get it all done or just shutting down and avoiding it all together because that just seems easier…

Overwhelmed by it all… Closing up even more and retreating as time slips faster into the darkness of my curled up self…

Taking the first step…being brave… Mornings first deep breath and stretch, I find thankfulness for waking…

I pause…and breathe … and grow…and awaken to the quiet, find comfort in it, restoration in it

I hear birds outside and inhale the richness of my freshly brewed coffee… Has it ever smelled so good?

This moment of pause becomes the foundation of my day… In this moment of pause, I have gained time …somehow stretched my minutes, and enjoyed it… I inhale the truth of Be still…and know …I exhale and sink into this cozy place

God whispers to me in those moments and He says just what I need to hear…’ You do not need time to do more… You need more time of doing less’

…a little quiet

Peace and quiet is waaaaaaaaaay underrated !

Even small brief moments can restore and heal and bring us to a place where we can reach the fullness of a breath…

Where we can see and hear and know comfort in our heart with some clarity…

Where we can exhale with awareness that we are no longer holding our breath…

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Tuesday…vacation day two

Morning two of vacation and here we are…I’m in the same spot as yesterday a.m. though I have Spring Revival Fair Trade this morning.  It really is my favorite and since yesterday was such a struggle, I thought I would try starting my day with the coffee I most love.  This is a coping strategy for me.  I love what I love and often do not stray from it whether it be my morning coffee, type of clothing, pens (Sharpie..hands down) driving routes or radio stations.  I have learned that I can depend on these things for routine…for a sense of calm.  Routine is such an important tool that I rely on.  I like knowing what to expect.  It is actually pretty funny because even as I sit here writing how much I love routine and having things the same and predictable, I know that I am very much an on the fly person.  How’s that for a paradox?  I am always up for plans at the last minute.  I guess it is the foundation of the starting routine that allows me to be flexible. The framework that the initial routine provides leads to that flexibility.  Wow!  Confusing!

Honoring what builds that foundation on a daily basis is paramount.  Giving myself permission to rely on this routine is also important.  Yes it is complicated…but that is reality and I have had to find a way for that to be alright.  If you have an allergy to something, you make accommodations…you adjust in order to remain well.  I view having ADHD as very similar to that…you must work at making accommodations and allowing yourself the room to grow in a healthy way.

If you have ADD/ADHD or if you breathe… take the time today to honor what you love, take a moment to listen to your favorite song, drink your favorite coffee, check in with a close friend…even the small things make a difference.  Don’t stray from the comfortable to increase your flexibility…respect your need for comfort and routine and before you know it you will be doing back walk-overs and other gymnastic marvels!  No, not really but you will be amazed at your willingness to be a little more open and flexible.

So, on day two of vacation, I have enjoyed my favorite coffee, spent some loving moments hugging tightly and talking with each of my children and will continue my day and what it brings to me a little more openly,  I am working at allowing myself to be me…even on vacation!