…the journey

I am a work in progress… I am aware that I am a work in progress… I am choosing to be an active participant in this process of growth.

Owning that I am a work in process is part of my growth… It’s a journey…we are all on one. There are times when I have kicked and screamed along the way, I can remember times of gripping onto the doorframe as the current of this journey insisted I be propelled forward despite my protest…so many times I have been perfectly content to set up camp… make my air bed nice and cozy, build a stunning fire and settle in. This I know is a coping mechanism…I recall many times in my life that I have tried this strategy. One time in particular, I was sharing with a close and dear friend who told me with some degree of sternness and a whole lot of love: I see and hear how you are feeling right now and I am so sorry you are in this place, however, you may NOT set up camp here. You must pack up the tent and collect yourself… gather what you need and move forward. Your journey is about growing… ‘wave to the folks in that town… ’cause you’re just passing through’, she said. She checked in on me by phone, via email and in person throughout this trying time to be certain I had travelled safely through this town I thought for sure was to be my next place of residence. She loved me, she encouraged me, she saw things that I did not see.

Along this journey, I have gathered certain tools I thought were helpful but am now growing to know that I may also stop using tools that are no longer working for me. This is NOT easy! (Added to the list of things I am working on) . After all, it’s hard to be a work in progress…

I look at it this way… I am thankful for my knowing … I want to be a part of my growth, to encourage and love myself… I want to do my best to be the light Jesus intends for me to be…

I am a work in progress… and today I am encouraged.

Take time today to think about where you are at in your own journey… we are ALL on one…Are you pitching your tent in a town you should just be passing through ? Are you holding the doorframe as the flood of the current rushes through?

I would encourage you to embrace your journey … It’s YOURS! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself grace… ask for help when you need it and cry when you need to… When trusted others seek to assure you and help you ‘un’ pitch your tent… Let them… We all need one another… and when you find a tool in your box that isn’t working anymore… toss it out the window on your way outta Dodge!

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…my birthday present

I am enjoying the quiet place… Verse continues to flow with ease…poetic expression birthed out of my passion for teaching, an affirmation that my heart is in the right place. A welcomed head nod to my questioning soul… comfortable place to be…this place I am in. For some time I shall resonate in this safety…inside of me. Patient with myself…ready to put in words the ordered thoughts as they come…

the following is for my birthday present, a child from my preschool who was born on my birthday…and we found one another he and I … I his teacher… and he…surely mine!

…my birthday present

things that most dream of … You own in your heart
big dreams of someday…you wear those comfortably like your favorite tee shirt… soft against your skin…truly a part of you

You arrive each day craving to know more…and to share more…of what you already know…with all of us

Your mind gets busy, thinking, creating, sorting and developing your amazing ideas…

sometimes I look closely at your intense thought…and I see myself in your eyes…in that thinking place…where we can feel so alone in the moment

emotion can be overwhelming…you feel so deeply and thoughtfully that sometimes it spills out and others don’t always understand your compassion…quite like you feel it

You are amazing and strong and captivatingly brilliant…you will surely venture to space…to the depths of the deepest sea…the Mariana Trench awaits

be kind to you … covet humbleness…align yourself with grace and mercy… they will be good to you

remember in your heart that you are
So important… So intelligent … So loved… You are the only YOU there is…

and to me…you’ll always be… my birthday present!

grace…and the wind in your hair

…we used to drive a Subaru wagon…a white one…with a bass cannon in the back. Now THOSE were the days! We traded it in for our first minivan when our daughter was born. Shortly after her birth the engine was about to drop out so we traded up for the used Toyota Sienna that we still drive today…11 years later.

We had been remotely discussing what our next car or even our second car might be when it happened. My husband was stopped and cited for non-inspection. By the grace of God he was given a warning and told not to drive the vehicle again unless it was to the inspection station. After all, in true ADHD fashion, it had not been just a few days or a month since the inspection had expired, it had been ten months. OOPS! Truth of the matter is, we had taken it to be inspected and miserably it had failed to the tune of about $1000. That would be $1000 that we did not have! In walked grace a second time. I was offered a part time job to earn the money to fix it but it would take me five weeks to earn it. We were only two and a half weeks into my second job when my husband was pulled over and we had to hang up the keys.

We scrambled for a solution. Grace to the rescue a third time in a matter of days. I had phoned a friend to share my dilemma and she had graciously offered to lend us her extra car for a few days. A fourth nod to grace…we connected with a mechanic who could not only fix our van but could do it reasonably, IN our driveway! We were surely on our way to mending the van when her demise actually simultaneously began. The car that we had been lent was an Audi A-6 station wagon…LOVE is in the air! AND in our seats…heated leather…and in our ears…Bose stereo system.

My husband and I fell in love with the non-minivan treat as did our children. In our van, the children do not have windows to roll down as we have sliding doors. In the Audi, all three could automatically lower and raise their own window and let me tell you THIS was a hit! Aside from being my ADHD dream as I drove at night with the dash lights that lit up like an airline cockpit.

Needless to say, our van was mended and with a bit more drama around another failed inspection and a few more quick fixes (big shout out to Nate!) we were back in business with a new shiny updated inspection sticker. It was certainly a stressful 5 days in our life that was blessed with unfathomable grace!

I will treasure those five days…my warm seat…and the memory of all three children riding to school in 16 degree weather with the windows down after my five year old sweetly stated, ” please….I just want to feel the wind in my hair Mama!”
A dilemma, a blessing and many encounters with GRACE! Take a moment today to breathe and acknowledge the grace that happens daily in your life…be encouraged…she’s there! Thank you Grace…