…to be heard

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Promise it resonates that you are not what you did you are not defined by an action of the past but by choices for your future…I pray that you felt the powerful reception of your message to us…hear this… You are HOPE…
Continue to be real … It is a powerful vehicle… Sometimes REAL translates to uncomfortable but since when has comfort brought about true change? It is in really listening that we come to know… It is in the listening that the impetus for human connection is nurtured. It is in human connection that we come to learn we are one in the same… We are no different, all deserving of a moment to be heard …I’m so sorry you had to speak so loudly and so powerfully to be heard… Though in my heart I’m ever so thankful that you did.

…walking the blurred line

Dreams they come
muddled and fragmented
flowing together in pieces of one another…
a representation of the patterns of my thoughts that during the day are maneuverable … manageable at the least…
at night they swirl and combine into a most ominous mix of terror and confusion… leaving me exhausted as I wake to sort through for truth amongst it all…a blurred line it becomes between sleep and wakeful states…

…sidelined

Sometimes I feel as though I am living life sidelined…

I am stuck …benched…knowing in my heart I am capable, intelligent and even fun though I find myself sitting out, opting out, paralyzed and defeated .

I am willing to jump up… To support and to play, to give it my all. I cannot seem to initiate leaving the bench, my stomach in knots, consumed by the weight of a thousand sandbags…

I want to rest… I’m tired…my enthusiasm meter reads zero, my affect flat, motivation evasive…as though I myself am not enough to rescue.

My mind is muddled and foggy, scanning like the fm tuner for something that will boost me… Wake me… usher me from the bench on the sidelines where I sit…

knowing…the long story…and the short

You are a firecracker…lit the moment your beautiful coffee brown self was placed in your loving mamas arms on the day you were born

You were three when we met… going on fifteen…you enter a room with presence…

Your knowledge so vast for your small frame…I wonder how you hold it all without falling over…so many volumes already written in your memory

You are just one year older now…since I have known you…and I have come to know you well…synchronized…your moods recognizable

Such a joy to always see your raised hand …anticipation to answer…and more…to grow us with what you know beyond that

We sometimes shake our heads…your teachers…and your mama too…I have seen it…in awe of your shining brilliance that you know not yet the full magnitude of…

I’m grateful for you in my heart… You have blessed me so…challenged my humor…and brought forth in me the desire to hear both the long and the short version of the story before I decide which will feel just right…

…my birthday present

I am enjoying the quiet place… Verse continues to flow with ease…poetic expression birthed out of my passion for teaching, an affirmation that my heart is in the right place. A welcomed head nod to my questioning soul… comfortable place to be…this place I am in. For some time I shall resonate in this safety…inside of me. Patient with myself…ready to put in words the ordered thoughts as they come…

the following is for my birthday present, a child from my preschool who was born on my birthday…and we found one another he and I … I his teacher… and he…surely mine!

…my birthday present

things that most dream of … You own in your heart
big dreams of someday…you wear those comfortably like your favorite tee shirt… soft against your skin…truly a part of you

You arrive each day craving to know more…and to share more…of what you already know…with all of us

Your mind gets busy, thinking, creating, sorting and developing your amazing ideas…

sometimes I look closely at your intense thought…and I see myself in your eyes…in that thinking place…where we can feel so alone in the moment

emotion can be overwhelming…you feel so deeply and thoughtfully that sometimes it spills out and others don’t always understand your compassion…quite like you feel it

You are amazing and strong and captivatingly brilliant…you will surely venture to space…to the depths of the deepest sea…the Mariana Trench awaits

be kind to you … covet humbleness…align yourself with grace and mercy… they will be good to you

remember in your heart that you are
So important… So intelligent … So loved… You are the only YOU there is…

and to me…you’ll always be… my birthday present!

…treasures

Cool breeze that makes
the curtains dance
on a summer night…

The welling up of love
that drives tears to your eyes
before you notice…

The urge to dive back into
the middle of a fantastic book
on a rainy afternoon…

The quiet hope of a still…
starry night when a whisper
carries your precious prayers
straight into God’s heart…

It’s a friends birthday… Words spill from my mind like delicious sun tea on a summer afternoon. I wanted to capture the joy in my heart for a friend like her…likening that joy to tangible memories that make you feel so full that you might just burst …

my Jesus lens…

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You sang… My heart listened intently, not for the fear of your doing it to speak but for what Jesus was saying through you… It captured my attention that… Your bravery, your admittance to the awkwardness of never doing this in your life and I heard your song … Heard the quiet message for me that was tucked gently in the folds …sort of a whisper, an exhale…a message from Jesus so personal and fine and intricate. So connected to that voice I continued to hear it resonate an hour or more later…wafting from the sound system of the restroom…ear acutely attuned. Are you kidding? I pressed in…oh…hold up…it’s Suzanne Vega singing Tom’s Diner.

I just returned…blinking my eyes to adjust back into my daily routine after an amazing weekend with the ladies… On a beach …on retreat…returning home to my family, having heard intently what I was meant to. I came back in search of an intricate and tangible reminder of my new awareness. I went on the search for a monocle…a lens that I could wear as a pendant. My heart was blessed…I learned the importance of being able to keep perspective… Grounding in truth and love by using the lens of Jesus…and my miracle came… Just three days later…three days! A dear and precious friend who heard my heart delivered this to me as a gift…I’m so grateful…and so very literal…